dislikes.

There are very little things I don't like about my "college" thing.

I don't like that it's filled with people younger than me in the morning.
I don't like waking up at 6am twice a week.
I really don't like having to go straight to work afterwards, it's very restrictive.
I don't like freacking out and spend two hours thinking if that guy in my class is him.
I hate not being able to buy coffee at 7 in the morning, when it's most needed.
I don't like that the political stuff is so taken over by parties. I don't feel comfortable with it.
I don't like that some teachers don't even know how to speak properly.
I don't like runing into the slut that spent quality time with my ex in a hotel's hot tub at the coffee machine. I really don't.

It's gotten to the point where it hurts. We need to talk.

casual.

Note to my dear and darling friends: Sex post. I don't quite know what i'm going to write, but I get the feeling you won't be completely comfortable with it. Just saying.

We are sexual beings. It's a basic need, not 'cause we're gonna die if we don't have sex, but because it is something our bodies ask us. A biological need. But since we don't actually die, we can choose. People choose not to have sex all the time, for whatever reasons. But more importantly, we can choose to have sex.
Well I think that's just great.
And I, I consider myself a very sexual being. I like it, I enjoy it, I think about it, and I like thinking about it.
In the daily life there isn't really much place for it. That's why I was so glad when I finally remember this blog's name. This girl decided to write a sex blog, telling her way of living somewhat dangerously. It's not only sex, thou, and it's also well and funny written. So it turned up to be a very enjoyable reading, and I found myself relating myself to many of the things she said (you know, apart from the obvious age and geography difference).
So it got me thinking about casual sex. Now I know it's good and mostly harmless, but does it get in the way of finding a serious relationship? Maybe, if you want that relationship to be with your sex partner, or already had a relationship with him.. but then again, I find that the most casual sex happens with a person a know and love a lot, but with whom I don't want a serious relationship (or any kind for that matter). When it's someone I barely know, there are all this expectations and nervousness and wanting to do good. I might see a potential lover in him, but what if a also see something else? I wouldn't act the same way if I'm trying to build up a relationship that if I'm trying to get in his pants. Although that seems to be the question of the week.
On the other hand, with someone "I've known forever", I can easily make it just about sex. I mean, he will probably break my heart over lunch, but I'm not thinking about that when i'm riding him. I'm not sad, or mad, or in love, or wish to make him happy. If something, I wanna make him cum.
Anyway, I don't think I really had a conclusion for this one, other than I like this explicit way of writing.
(well, writing, mumbulling, letting the cat walk over the keyboard, whatever)

misc

i don't think there could be a more man-like side without a girl to do the counterpart
so it's really all her fault, with her pretty face and her pretty walk and all.

only that man-like side got independent from her pretty self, now i'm boyish with my boy-friend
(not boyfriend, just boy who's a friend, asdsasda). it's fun thou. and on that subject, good.
keep it under control and you'll have yourself a great stress-releaser.

and i'm back at fourteen year old, daydreaming and all. only i'm not as stupid as i was.
part of the whole time machine thing. fun and harmless. and he really is so talented. mmmh hm.

...and when i'm lonely, cherry's there, and she plays along while i sing out my blues
i could be crying and you don't care, you won't call me back you're stubborn as a mule...

Melancolía

Anoche me descubrí
a mi misma pensando en ti
y descubrí dentro de mi
cierto antojo, melancolía
de aquella dulce alegría
disimulada vergüenza
interminable inocencia
que parece tan pasada
que recuerdo tan cercana
pero sé que ya se fue.
Y no creas que lo quiero
que lo extraño, que lo anhelo,
soy feliz como ninguna
todo lo que siempre quise
¿acaso no me es suficiente?
¿Algo acaso es suficiente?
No lo sé, no lo sabré
¿Acaso importa realmente?
Esa hermosa, rota inocencia
ya no volverá jamás.
Queda esa melancolía
esa dulce melodía
que tampoco ya se irá.

Escrito el 5 de mayo de 2005, probablemente en el Colegio Nacional de Buenos Aires, por mi.
Tenía 14 años, estaba enamorada, tenía dudas, preguntas que no me entraban en ese ser diminuto. Me parece maravilloso, me parece maravilloso haberlo escrito a los 14 años y plasmado lo que sentía, sabiendo que algun día iba a releerlo y recordar, con tanto cariño, a esa niña. Me resulta muy curioso que en ese momento, enamorada como estaba, me sintiera ya tan desgastada. Tan arruinada. La inocencia rota, que no vuelve, cuando era aun inocente. Más que ahora, por lo menos. Supongo que venía del conflicto de amar a mi novio pero querer a Ale. No me conocía a mi misma, y no tenía ningun tipo de idea de como estar en una relación. O de como afrontar un problema.
Vuelvo a preguntarme si esa niña viera en lo que se convirtió, si siquera lo creería.
Si esa niña supiera que aún lo extraño.

querida jo.

tenemos un problema, querida.
encontré tu blog, ese que habías mantenido en tanto secreto,
o simplemente del que yo no tenía noticia.
y la señorita no tiene activados los comentarios. entonces,
yo leo, y no puedo hacer comentarios.
no puedo decirle, por ejemplo, que la foto mia esa es horrible.
por lo tanto termino haciendo una entrada aca para comunicarme con la señorita jo.
y no señorita porque no este casada, sino para que se acostumbre
señooooooo pepa me puso plasticola en las trensas! (:
a ver si la veo prontamente, señorita jo.

smiling in the morning.

it's fun to feel young. younger. it makes it interesting.
there's something hot to it. or maybe it's just me.
and soft is good. it's gooood.
and new but strangely familiar. and comfortable. and happy.
and "i know what i'm doing" confident is good. it's gooood.

and the coffee's great.